Can my husband be my cow?

Monday, March 9th, 2009

Dear Dr. Cruz:

I’m beginning to feel that my husband is my cow. Here is why: a year ago I started my own business, but I haven’t been able to get things off the ground, and I’m sure it is because of my husband’s lack of support. He does not help me in any way, and what’s worse, he does not even encourage me. I know that’s why the company is failing. Can he be the cow that holding me back?
Sincerely,
Sharon

Dear Sharon:

I can assure you that your husband is not your cow. Furthermore, he is not the one who’s holding you back. Let me show you the real cow. Your cow is a false belief that you’ve stored in your mind, which tells you that in order for you to succeed, you must have the complete support of your husband.

It’s simple: Your success is 100 percent your responsibility. It would be great to count on the support and encouragement of others at all times, but it’s not absolutely necessary. Your success doesn’t depend on whether other people decide to support you or not, whether they approve of the decisions you’ve made, or whether they are enthusiastic about the path you’ve chosen. Your decision to succeed cannot —and must not — depend on that. The only person who needs to be excited about your goals and decisions is you. You need only your own commitment, belief, enthusiasm, and determination to succeed in life.

Of course your spouse can be a great excuse for your lack of success. It not only provides you with a justification for the lack of results in your business but also exonerates you from any responsibility places you the role of victim.

When I talk about killing a cow, I’m talking about eliminating an excuse, changing a bad habit, modifying a behavior, or establishing a new thought pattern. In other words, changing your way of thinking and acting, not changing other people’s ways of thinking or acting. Moreover, one of the worst cows you can possibly have is believing that you won’t reach any level of success unless someone else changes. You already know that the only person you can change is you.

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